It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
