so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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