drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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