this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
