i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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