Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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