I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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