I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
