the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
