No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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