Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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