3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
