Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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