Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
