you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
