i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
