he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My penis needs a shock collar
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
