Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize