don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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