I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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