you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
