we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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