I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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