trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's the barista slut.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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