Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
