Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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