I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
