Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
