i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
