I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
