I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
