Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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