Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
