You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
