I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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