When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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