I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
