They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
