I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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