i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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