I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My balls are so social today.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize