So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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