We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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