The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
