at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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