Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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