Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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