im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
