Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
