We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
