can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
