Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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