I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
