At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
