You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
