I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just invented taco cereal.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
