those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
