I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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