i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
being pregnant is like rehab
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
