About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
