Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
