Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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