I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
