i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
