And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
