Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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