I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
