hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
