No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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