Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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