I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
