that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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