Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dicks are not precious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
