I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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